You know something? Super Bowl Sunday is one of my favorite days of the year. It is one of the few times we host a few people over here at the Owl’s Nest, we have a few drinks, eat some food and just have a good time. I even schedule my yearly eye appointment for the Monday after the game, so I can stay up a little later and just enjoy myself without worrying about wrangling children at 7am. Judge me if you want, but I truly look forward to it.
As we all know, the game itself can sometimes be a snooze fest. We’ve seen everything from close games, to blowouts and everyone’s favorite, the punter battle. But, with all that, I say this year’s Super Bowl has the potential to be possibly the worst one in history.
I have several reasons for this. We’ll go in order of least important to most important.
First, is the halftime show. No disrespect to Kendrick Lamar. I actually respect his talent. He is clearly a great lyricist and incredibly popular. I know why the NFL and Apple chose him. It actually makes sense. I just feel that his style of music doesn’t translate to a 20 minute halftime show, that should be a spectacle and not just a concert. What does help his cause is that it will be dark in the arena. The halftime shows when the Super Bowl is on the west coast always lose some of their aura because it’s during the day. Kind of kills the atmosphere a little bit. All that being said, I am open to the idea. I’m going to be an old man and say I hate it just because it’s not my genre of music. I’ll give it a chance, but it has total flop potential.
The next issue, that some may say is most important, is the two teams in the game itself. All of America except Kansas City is sick of the Chiefs being in the title game. They’re good. We get it. They are going for a three-peat, which is pretty cool, but we’re all just done with them. Add that to the fact that the Eagles laid the smack down on the Commanders and earned their way to the Super Bowl. We’ve even seen this game two years ago. The next best thing to having my Broncos in the game would’ve been seeing Buffalo and Washington square off. A nice change of pace, but no. Same two teams.
But all of that is small potatoes compared to the real reason the 59th edition of the Super Bowl has the potential to be the worst in history.
That reason can be summarized using only two letters and two numbers. TB12. That’s right. We have to listen to quite possibly the worst color commentator possible speak the entire game. You heard that right. Tom Brady is on the call for the Super Bowl.
I’ve been relatively quiet about this one for a while. I figured I’d give the guy a chance to work out the kinks. He’s been blathering on in his high pitched nasally voice for 20 weeks now, and it’s time someone stood up and said something. The man is simply not very good at his job, and he has failed his way to calling the biggest game of the year.
We all sat through those horrendously self-indulgent promos for him joining the broadcast for months, just for him to be mediocre at best in the booth. Not only that, but every other play, he talks about when he played. We understand Tom. You were a good QB. Actually, that’s the only reason you have that job. They assumed you’d be a good announcer because you were a great QB. Ask Drew Brees. That is not the case with everyone.
Brady being on the call means we are going to hear that a play was “A+” every fifteen seconds. And everybody is a “stud.” According to Tom, there will be more “studs” in New Orleans than at the Kentucky Derby. God he is so annoying.
To be fair, some of Tom’s issues really aren’t his fault. It’s the fault of the yes-mean asshats that put him in the job with an astronomical salary without ever hearing him call a game. Those same clowns refuse to get the guy a better headset that can mask how high pitched and shrieky his voice is. The technology is out there. Look at Howard Stern. They’ve got that bridge troll sounding like Barry White, and they can’t get Tom Brady to sound like a normal person? Shameful. They’d rather torture us because I’mn sure Tom is too much of a cocky prick to admit he needs some enhancement on the mic.
Now, I could put all of that aside with anyone else. I’d feel bad for them honestly. But Brady is not human. He’s a boring cyborg that has been programmed to be as dry and boring as possible. He has no sense of humor or any ability to be even slightly self-deprecating. The best color commentators have the ability to laugh once in a while and make fun of themselves. Not TB12. Yes, sometimes he does do his creepy, AI-esque laugh, but it’s not real. Ugh he is just the worst.
I feel bad for Greg Olsen, who got replaced by this robot. Greg should be calling the game but the boot because the Golden Boy Tom Brady decided he wanted that job. So gross.
They even had a stupid commercial about Brady going back to the Super Bowl but as an announcer. It’s vomit-inducing levels of douchiness. I can’t stand it.
I’m done whining about it. As much as I hate it, I’ll suffer through Brady yapping about the 35 times he was in the Super Bowl that nobody cares about. So I guess I’ll go eat my tacos and move on with my life and just bitch on social media for the next two weeks.
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